I can still feel the uncomfortable despair of disappointment today. It has been twenty years, but some memories and lessons carry us through life. I have often been able to suppress disappointing moments in my past; however, this misfortune has structured present and ongoing progression in my life.
I was merely a teenager. I had a close net of friends. We looked out for each other. We experienced disagreements with each other at times, but that was between us. Yet, nobody outside of the close net could penetrate our bond.
We all were athletic, so we carried our union into sports and organized functions. As a mature individual, today, I realize how incapacitating recognition can be. As a young immature boy then, recognition was the personification of competence and displayed capability. That is absurd in reflection today, but it was unequivocally accurate to me as a teenager.
While engaging in playing organized sports with my close net of friends, I was the first to be recognized in the local newspaper for my accomplishments. What a wonderful feat. Unfortunately, it was my first reality check with unprocessed but identifiable selfishness.
You see, when my other friends begin to make the newspaper for their accomplishments, and my name was no longer there I resented my friends. So much so, I acted on my resentment.
I have never forgotten the statement, or the conversation. The clown of the close net, but the true heart reported this to me, "Man, your boy said you are not passing him the ball because he is making the paper over you..." I was 15 years old that day, but it hurts just as bad, today, at 35. There was no suppression because there was no secret. The only person in the dark was me. I carry the disappointment of my selfishness in that experience as a reminder ...
If I am willing to forsake my foundation for it, I do not need it.
Blessings,
DLR
I was merely a teenager. I had a close net of friends. We looked out for each other. We experienced disagreements with each other at times, but that was between us. Yet, nobody outside of the close net could penetrate our bond.
We all were athletic, so we carried our union into sports and organized functions. As a mature individual, today, I realize how incapacitating recognition can be. As a young immature boy then, recognition was the personification of competence and displayed capability. That is absurd in reflection today, but it was unequivocally accurate to me as a teenager.
While engaging in playing organized sports with my close net of friends, I was the first to be recognized in the local newspaper for my accomplishments. What a wonderful feat. Unfortunately, it was my first reality check with unprocessed but identifiable selfishness.
You see, when my other friends begin to make the newspaper for their accomplishments, and my name was no longer there I resented my friends. So much so, I acted on my resentment.
I have never forgotten the statement, or the conversation. The clown of the close net, but the true heart reported this to me, "Man, your boy said you are not passing him the ball because he is making the paper over you..." I was 15 years old that day, but it hurts just as bad, today, at 35. There was no suppression because there was no secret. The only person in the dark was me. I carry the disappointment of my selfishness in that experience as a reminder ...
If I am willing to forsake my foundation for it, I do not need it.
Blessings,
DLR
RSS Feed